The Naked Dwarf Syndrome (humor)

From: Sakura Subject: Re: Naked Dwarf syndrome [WFRP] Date: Thursday, August 06, 1998 11:10 AM

I have spent some time now considering your 'naked dwarf problem, and present herein my advice to you on this matter. Personally, I prefer the 'carrot and stick' approach. This works best of course if you are in charge of the area with the naked dwarf problem. If you are not, then a campaign of letter-writing and lobbying of whatever governmental representative you may have is your only recourse. The 'stick' would of course be to more rigidly enforce (and perhaps increase) the penalties for public nudity.
Depending on the political clime of the area, you may be able to get away with gearing any legislation or enforcement only towards members of the dwarven species. (Your post does not indicate whether there is a 'naked human' problem or not.)
The 'carrot' would be to offer economic incentives - tax breaks, public loans, etc to people involved in the dwarven clothing industry. Encourage tailors to have a 'Short and Squat' section to supplement their regular items of clothing. The lower taxation should also help bring about lower prices, which will (at least partially) alleviate the problems of dwarves going naked due to monetary considerations.
If dwarves are severely economically disadvantaged in your area, you may have to resort to public help programs to distribute free clothing in dwarven areas of the city. The city of Westandria has had notable success with their 'Hobnails for Hobbits' programme, which makes certain that the halfling population does not go unshod in the streets. Perhaps you should contact them for advice.
On the other hand, if dwarven nudity turns out to be cultural in origin, you may have a more difficult time convincing the dwarves to accept the civilized standards of dress. A subtle but monolithic media campaign is called for, to make the younger dwarves believe that wearing clothes is fashionable and a way to get ahead in the world. This is of course a slow and long-term solution. I certainly hope this helped. Be sure to write back and let us know how it went.

Cordially, J -- Hostes aliengeni me abduxerent.

Jeff Johnston - jeffj@io.com Qui annus est? http://www.io.com/~jeffj

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